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16 February 2008 @ 11:13 pm
ovulation frustration  
Until this month it was always clear whether I ovulated or not with my temps. Then this month I had a shift in temps but it was smaller than usual. And I had to check temps during day times as well to see if they were 'low' or 'higher', and they were pre-O low. The reason I hoped I really O'd (oh, the power of denial) despite this sobering evidence on the contrary - was because of watery CM patch timing.

It turned out the dodgy temps were because of dying battery. Now I've got new thermometer yesterday, this morning the temp seems to be back to normal pre ovulation levels - at '6-7DPO', either a dip in 'luteal phase' or ovulation never happened this cycle yet at CD24. Just the thought of this gets me so down. Especially I am going to be away from husband tomorrow for a few days during which missed ovulation may happen, and it might be long luteal phase and another looong month before my next O....what a potentially unfruitful stretch of time ahead of me. I despair of my slooooow PCOS ovaries right now, despite the joy of good news about 7DPO progesterone levels few days ago.

It's first time I am seriously down by this whole TTC thing after only 2 ovulations (which is nothing compared to other people's years) (we also merrily have low sex drive as well and I was just getting excited by 'high' conception chance given by FF that mistakenly thought I O'd)

It feels a bit lonely too as I know no one else close who is also TTC in real life, even if there's nobody pregnant to be jealous of (all my friends being single, clever PhD, too busy in career being in early 20s - and it's so hard not to become withdrawn...no one else knows we're TTC and my near-all-consuming FF obsession will surely seem like a madness from the outside....


((this pointless venting post will be deleted once optimism comes back))